Okay I will admit it…I’m jealous of Ted Danson

I’d get all over this 50 year-old ass any day

I did not know this until about 20 minutes ago but the mom in the new comedy classic, Step Brothers is Mary Steenburgen and she is looking fine as fuck. The finest as fuck look you can have being a 55 year old cougar. So after seeing some pics on her and stuff I thought I could tap handle this with my pipe, but then I found out she’s married to fuckin Becker a.k.a. Ted Danson. Are you kidding me? Ted Fucking Danson!?! Why Mary?

When I look at this photo all I’m thinking, “These eyes have seen horrible horrible things. Those horrible things include me with a bottle of beer from the Cheers set shoved up Kristie Allie’s ass.”

Danson is looking like shit these days. Even worse than the days as Sam Malone on that show with the catchy little jingle that at somepoint in your life you have made a remix to. Admit it.

If I was a cougar like Mary I would be going for that George Wendt hass looking mo-fo. That dude was like fuckin cool and I have heard he can knock 3 medium pizzas in one sitting. To me that’s bonafide badass and deserves some sweet trim. But women don’t see it that way. They would rather have the dude with a 5-year plan. And that plan is to not die. (Big Daddy reference haha)

But Mary, if you ever read this, you looked hot as you possibly can in the movie Step Brothers and I hate to see you wasting your Cougar-ness on that wrinkly 3-inch cock boy Danson. Come to the 20 year-old Blogger who hasn’t blogged in about 5 months until this week so you really couldn’t call me a blogger but I have some serious pipe to compensate. Whaddya say lil mommy?

What Does It Take to Start an Adult Website?

First off, I will get it out there…yeah I look at Porn. I think every red-blooded man has. Sometimes I wonder, what would it be like to start a porn site? Then I wonder how would I go about doing it?

I have a good paying job and I’m just looking for something on the side that would be one hell of a time. What would it take? Has anyone else ever done this?

When I brought this up to my friends they thought I was getting the chicks addicting to cocaine and shit if they signed contracts with me and use them like my slaves or some shit. Not the case, I’m just looking to make some money and the Adult industry seems like a good way to go. Seeing people fuck? Why the hell not!

So give me some tips or feedback. I’m just intrigued to hear what it would take to start one up. I’m sure there’s a lot to it but do tell.

Something like these chicks would be great who are all ready to have sex…oh wait they are already porn stars.

Were Back….in a Big Way!!

If any of you have ever seen the sketch on SNL with Will Ferrell and Chris Kattan imitating the band <i>Air Supply</i> you will know what the topic of this post is about; if not that’s completely fine because it does go with the theme of the rest of this post.

But I, M-Town want to announce that The Jellydonut Blog is back!  Things have been hell over the past few months.  Limited internet access and just an overall lack of time and straight up lazy as fuck.  Which is probably the case for most bloggers, but me and J-Bone wanna revive this thing.  We had some great success and a lot of fun hearing your responses on our rants and discussions and we want this thing to get bigger.

So expect more random ass shit from us that hopefully will spurn you to post a comment and get discussion going.

Link to SNL sketch I mentioned earlier:  VH1 Storytellers

I have a Dilemma: I’m in love…with a girl I’ve never talked to

First off, I usually don’t have a problem with talking to women or hooking up with them but tonight things were a lot more difficult for some reason.

Here’s the setting: I’m bowling with some friends and I see this stunning looking chick at the Snack Bar, she’s probably 17 or 18, I don’t know but she looks great….freakishly great and I’m trying to think of a way to approach her and talk. So I figure I will go buy a Coke and just start mingling. So it’s settled and I’m going up there to the Bar with snacks to talk with this ravishing looking woman and buy a Coke; I’m rockin my Shutter Shades and this pink polo (Yeah I probably looked as homo as you can get) and I get to the stand and ask for a medium Coke. While she’s getting a Coke I’m saying nothing. I’m thinking of what to say in my head but I couldn’t deliver on my thoughts. I was getting some advice from the infamous man known as, “The Texan” it was good advice but again I could not act on the advice that was given me by my friend. So I got my Coke and I left the stand pissed. She was a way nice chick, seemed cool but I wasn’t doin shit. I just didn’t get it. Its weird how women can do this to men. I’ve yelled at sporting events and called out Mamba a.k.a. Kobe Bryant for a autograph or somethin with ease or even told a joke to him, no problems. But talking to a 18 year-old chick who works at a damn snack bar making minimum wage, I can’t fuckin get the big hairy man balls to talk to her. Man it was pathetic.

So I kept bowling and I went for Round 2 to get a refill and some Cheese sticks, yet again….nothing. Not a single word. She was just similing and being polite, maybe its her job haha but she seemed cool and I didn’t do shit and I walked away. She brought the cheese sticks to my alley with my friends and I did nothing except say, “Thanks.” What a fuckin pansy ass I am.

I really felt like the dude from Fast Times at Ridgemont High who had troubles talking to women and ended up hooking up with the chick who was DTF and totally gaggin banannas and shit at school. Yeah I was that guy! And it fuckin pissed me off. Can anyone lend some advice on this? I overheard in the snack bar she works every Wednesday so I guess I will go again wearing the Shutter Shades in hopes that she recognizes me and some convo starts up. Who fuckin knows.

Well now that this is over, I’m gonna go celebrate Valentine’s Day Eve with some Bud Light and a bag of Reese’s Minatures. G’night readers and a Happy Valentine’s Day!

If you wanna hook up with women get Shutter Shades

It’s been a long time since I posted last, things have been really busy with work and school that I haven’t had time to blog but I’m back and planning to do a lot more yet again.

Anyways, recently I purchased some pairs of the sunglasses that Kanye West made famous, “Shutter Shades.” I found out about these in the recent issue of Maxim Magazine featuring Heidi Montag. I won’t lie I watch The Hills because of that fine piece of California Trim. Anyways, they had a little plug for Shutter Shades in the magazine and I immediately went to ShutterShadesOnline.com to pick up a pair or two because I have always envied Kanye’s Stronger glasses and wanted a pair myself so it was a no-brainer. I ordered a white pair and a blue pair and I couldn’t wait to get my glasses that would soon impair my vision.

A short two days had passed and my Shutter Shades had arrived!! I was stoked and I was ready to show these off to anyone and everyone.

So I went to the mall with a friend that was actually willing to be seen with me wearing these and away we went. Immediately at the mall I was starting to garner more attention from the fairer sex than usual, well hell I was garnering more than well ever. I went into a Pac-Sun and a woman by the name of Amy was talking to me and of course brought up my shades as the conversation starter. From there I scored her number and got a free pair of DC Socks which was pretty badass. She was a cool chick who I could tell liked my shades and if I had been nude while talking to her she would of liked my 11-inch penis haha :-p.

Anyways, me and Amy were talking a lot after that encouter and we recently hung out which then led to a night of 2 rounds of sexual intercourse.

So if your looking for something to impair your vision and score you some sweet American Trim. Get your Shutter Shades today!

A Stripper told me, “You are f**kin sexy”

Me and J-Bone recently visited a friendly strip club and man it was something else I tell ya. May I add this is J-Bone’s first real experience at a strip club and me being a seasoned veteran showed him the ropes.

So we are at the club and were just watching the main stage as these women dance for various types of men. I must say you can always peg the type of men that go into strip clubs. 40 year old fat guy wearing a white t-shirt, a cowboy with a big ass hat, many latino men who just got off work, the old creepy guy who looks like he is going to die but has money coming out of his ass and then me and J-Bone two colleged aged guys who probably looked fuckin George Clooney compared to all these other creepy men.

But anyways me and J-Bone got some change from the bar and it was time to pay some stripper’s light bill. The likes of Dimond, Diva, Divinity all came and went up on the main stage. While they would be up there they would plant their vaginas right in our face and I was most likely saying some dumb ass line like the one from Knocked Up, “They are work right now” haha laughs then followed and the stripper even laughed as well. But after these women came a stripper known as “Eternity.” She had a bangin body, blonde hair, well essentially the typical stripper look with a nice fake pair. She was definitely hot. When she got up there she was just doing the typical dance then proceeded to remove her top and lick her tit, you know the normal things you do to get money. Well after her little show she comes up to me and tells me, “You have the sexiest eyes I have ever seen. You should come get a lap dance from me.” Me just being caught off guard and only having $40 left I say, “oohhh thanks!” haha It was awkward I will admit and I just let it go because I thought it was a pathetic attempt she was doing just to try and make another $20, so the night continued with me and J-Bone getting more VAG in our face.

Eternity comes up again to the main stage. Me, J-Bone and about four other men are up there me and J-bone are in the middle of it all. Usually these strippers start on one end and work their way to the other, not this time. Eternity wanted me and my sexy blue eyes. She grabbed me by the jacket and lunged my face right into her body she smelled like the stereotypical stripper it was awesome. J-Bone laughed and the perverted men who were wanting VAG were jealous as all hell. Eternity kept dancing for me and hell I didn’t even have to give away dollar bills it was awesome. Once she was done with me and then J-Bone we both went away from the main stage to sit at the couches. After Eternity gets done with her dance she approaches me and kisses me right on the lips and proceeds to say “I just had to do that. you still want a lap dance baby?” Me only having $11 left at this point hope over to the ATM to get another Jackson. Yeah I’m not gonna lie I was like the classic T-Pain song, “I’M N LUV WIT A STRIPPER.” I got my $20 bill and off to the chairs with no arm rests me and Eternity went. As we walked to the chairs she smacked my ass calling me a naughty boy. I’m not gonna lie I usually don’t fall for this kind of shit but I was totally diggin’ tonight haha. How many times in your life do you say you kind of hooked up with a chick named Eternity?

Were now in the armless chairs waiting for the current song to end. I have a DC jacket on which she apparently likes she tells me to take it off though so I could be more comfortable I do what the woman says without question. The song then ends and the DJ starts to fire up a new song and the magic goes from here…

I had no idea what the fuckin song was I will tell ya that. This Eternity chick was totally ridin my dick like a pro it was totally kick-ass I was thinking this was a wise investment. She then puts her back against my chest and whispers in my ear while I look at her rack and tells me, “You are Fuckin Sexy” again I’m caught off guard and say an Evan-esque line “Oh you are too. You are the prettiest girl this side of the Mississippi.” haha lame I know but I had no fuckin idea what to say she just got a chuckle and continued to do more wonders. She was like the modern day Moses to me. It was so rad.

The song is still playing and she lifts up my shirt and presses her bare ass up against my stomach. I didn’t quite understand the manuever but thought it was kick ass none the less. Then the kicker was when she unzipped my pants and literally touched my penis thru the boxer hole. Like Fogell’s reaction to having his penis inside Nicola that’s how I fellt in a sense. Then the song ended and she zipped me back up. After the dance ended she asked if I wanted to get a private room dance and she would give me 50% off the normal cover price. Let me say I was tempted but I knew I had to pay bills my self so I gladly passed. She asked me what my name was and I told her. She said she wouldn’t forget me and I hoped I wouldn’t forget her and hoped I would come back soon so she could give me an exciting private room experience. As you can tell from reading this blog I haven’t forgot about her lol.

So in conclusion how do you think I should react to this? Should I just think this is some money-driven stripper who wants more cash from me? Or is she a drugged up stripper who had no idea what was going on and thought I looked decent due to the drugs and she will not remember me the next time I go in? Or do you think she actually might be diggin Mr. M-Town?

I personally am thinking the 3rd one haha.

Some Douchebag attempting to play Guitar Hero III

Is this douchebad for real? He totally sucks shit at this instant-classic game.

“What Would You Do To…:” Savannah Gold edition

The Britts sure know how to have doggy style sex.

We stay in the UK for this next installment of the “What Would You Do To…” features. Last time it was Jennifer Ellison who we discussed that was from England; this time it’s Savannah Gold. Your probably wondering who she is. Well….she’s a pornographic star. Now don’t be alarmed were not going to be a porn site here but we couldn’t resist discussing the anatomy of this top heavy brittish delight.

First off if I had the chance to be with Gold this is where we would be….on a  trampoline a bouncy one that can hold a lot of weight and we would fuck hardcore and she could dominate me and tell me what to do.  It would be outstanding.  I would probably perform the TONY DANZA as well on her just to feel like a total badass.

When I saw this woman’s video on bigtitsroundasses.com I was amazed and proceeded to have wood. It was awesome! While me and Gold are fucking on a trampoline there is definitely a camcorder involved and the video would probably end up on Pornotube.com so you all could see and hell I would probably even post here on the site just so you loyal readers could see my “unit.”

I went to the end of the rainbow and found my imaginary pot of GOLD!

Here’s a totally uncensored photo gallery of Gold, that may I add will get you fired at work if your viewing this from there. So don’t click on it otherwise! It is Not Safe For Work and don’t click if your under 18 unless of course your like the 13 year-old version of me and don’t give a shit about those warnings and still click it anyway.

We Found this on Myspace…

Again this is a joint post with both M-Town (yours truly) and J-Bone each with a keyboard ready to blog on the important issues of America. Well hell not that kind of stuff we will leave that to Stephen Colbert. So anyway me and J-Bone came across this photo on Myspace…

 

As the Myspace people would say, WTF? First off anything you put on myspace is up for grabs so please leave this shit on your computer only and not in a public forum for friends.

Secondly, what is wrong with men that have to display acts of gay sex at parties while someone is taking snapshots? It really is mindbottling. Honestly what compels you to all of a sudden pose for a picture that will completely make you look like a total douche (speaking of douches go to the Hot Chicks with Douchebags its an amazing site) and someone that could be crossing into questionable territory.

Seriously, would any of you straight men fuck one of your buddies in the ass? I don’t think so. So why would you risk sending the message to him that says “I want to fuck you in the ass right now.” You don’t want to do this especially if your a male reader of this site; because if you do read this site on a daily basis you would be classified as men who are MEN and when I say that I’m talking about America’s finest….not fireman but just blue-collar hot women searching men and hell if you are gay that’s no problem at all we don’t discriminate at all against that form of life BUT when supposed “straight” men who pride themselves on thinking they are the shit. Granted I don’t know these people but just from looking at them you can tell they were the type of students in high school who thought they could felaysh anyone and now they are 24 years old and jobless with 3 kids…girls I might add because they have feminine semen. But if your gay that’s perfectly fine and if these men were to say they were gay this picture is totally fine but they can’t act like hardasses and then have a pic like this. It completely sends off the wrong message to us blue-collar men who search for hot women. We don’t hate here at Jellydonut; we are like that old saying, “I’m a lover not a fighter!”

So lets look at the situation: It happens in locker rooms of all types, parties, school hallways, etc… Dudes start acting gay! Here are my reasons that I beleive men do this kind of shit!

1. They have started to question their sexuality and like to experiment playfully with other mens’ junk.

It happens all the time. Some poor young confused man wonders if he is gay. It usually happens when he has struck out on multiple occasions with fine seductive women.

2. Attention

These douchebags strive for this shit known as attention. They think everyone will love their sorry asses with doing this kind of stuff. I have for news for you sons a bitches, that this shit will get your grills plastered all over blogs nationwide. So I guess in a sense you do get the attention that you desire, but it’s mocking you and were loving every minute of it!

3. The douches aren’t getting any pussy!

Think about it, these guys think they are the shit and think they can get pussy whenever they want. Well, when they don’t get the poon, all this sexual energy gets repressed and needs to be let out. So, it gets let out on another dudes ass! Really at the end of the day, if these guys were gettin’ any “poon” they would not have time for some shit like this but instead they resort to the other P word known as “penis.”

4. They are the “SHIT”

NOT! They feel that they need to impress the females that are present. They need to look all tough and macho. Last time I checked, fuckin a dude in the ass was not so macho. The whole “shit” thing puts them as the “shit” friend for women. You know what I’m talking about, “The Friend Zone.” At some point in our lives we have all experienced that in some sort of way but these guys taking these pics will totally get them in the friend domain. Hell, we found this picture on one of their girlfriends oh wait check that it was one of their friends pages who by the way is a fine ass female. Ladies, we want your feedback do you really get turned on sexually by men who commit these atrocious acts on digital cameras? Tell us because we need to hear feedback from the breasted type who know this shit better than us….well not necessarily because we know pretty much everything.

So there you have it. Women you know the kind of feedback we want from you. As for men, just rant and tell us what you think of this horrid photo that completely brings down our image as men. By the way this is just a random thought but the dude on the far right, doesn’t he kind of look like a douchin’ Will Arnett? That’s just me but I have no fucking idea because I’m lit right now. So yeah rant beotches!

M-Town

Words of advice from J-Bone: Next time you feel the urge to grab a mans crotch or ass, Turn to your hottest female friend and unleash the wrath upon a more female version of a dude. That’s right, a female.

J-Bone
Cheers bitches!

A letter to Megan Fox cordially inviting her to a weekend of FUN-NESS!

Editor’s Note: This is a letter composed by both M-Town and J-Bone the writers of this blog inviting the most popular woman on this site, Megan Fox to a weekend of “Fun-Ness.

Megan do you want to RSVP?  You know you do!

Dear luscious Megan,

Hey babe it’s M-Town and J-Bone and were here at our spacious apartment watching Transformers which was just released on DVD today and we must say we each want a shot at your bod. What does Shia LaBarf have that we don’t have??? NOTHING! He’s a fuckin Even Steven for christ sake! Yeah he might have talking robots on his side and a bit of acting skill but is he good in bed? FUCK NO! All we see when we look at him is a man with a three inch dong! Also he might have a massive bank account but really why does that matter in terms of hot, steamy orgasms? *Thinking*…..Nothing at all.

So here’s the scenario Megan. You come to our neck of the woods we will disclose that when you contact us via e-mail (jellydonutblog@gmail.com) then here’s how the day of fun would go down.

- You arrive at the airport, we are there to greet you with a sheet that says “Fine Piece of Ass from Transformers” and that of course being you; you notice that and hop in our version of a Limo….Toyota Matrix. We carry your bags for you because we are gentleman. Then we get in the car to look for somewhere nice to eat. Probably a Chili’s. It’s not too common around the nation.

- We are at Chili’s wining and dining you. You order whatever the hell you want…its on us! Hell you can go with an Awesome Blossom if your heart desires hell maybe two if your into that kind of thing. You will definitely be consuming alcohol so you can enjoy your time with us even more than you probably would have if you were sober.

- Finished with dinner at the very uncommon Chili’s and you are stuffed. The stomach kind of stuffed.

- All of us then proceed to get in the limo and we turn on some tunes and have some chit-chat of how dinner went and just our overall lives. You then proceed to talk about your boyfriend and how sweet he is and his massive cock. *silence* (At this time we are thinking that all the money we have spent on this broad to get her out here is backfiring BIG TIME!)

- Then arrive at Playboy Mansion a.k.a. our apartment. We offer you a Coke to drink and you say no because your hammered and then you laugh. We ask what’s so funny? You then say you have a zit on your face and I’m like “OH” and then we get down and dirty.

- First M-Town gets the honors because he founded this blog and essentially posts the most. J-Bone doesn’t do shit. He is not as creative as M-Town when it comes to sexual fantasies and blogs or other random shit like M-Town is. So anywho you get that studmuffin M-Town who is wearing a shirt that says, “Autobots kick ass,” whereas J-Bone sports a decepticon shirt and beanie making you decide if you wanna go with the good guy (M-Town) or the bad guy (J-Bone). You then choose and M-Town wins because being the founder of the blog trumps all and you were with the good guys in the movie so that’s all you know.

- Your then nude.

- M-Town is nude.

- J-Bone is trained to use a video camera and then turns it on and sets at an angle to catch all the action of “Transformers 2: From little to big in three seconds”

- M-Town downs a dew in three seconds spilling some on his shirt and shlong to give you and energy boost while slobbin the nob.

- 2 Minutes later after we get done with our Jackhammer session M-Town yells at the top of his lungs, “this is why I blog!!!!” You are then satisfied thinking autobots are the coolests sons a bitches to ever grace this green earth…well blue earth because its like 71% ocean.

-M-Town passes the torch (you) to J-Bone who is sitting in his room and says, “she’s ready for seconds, like a fat man with a cake on anyones birthday and like that cake she’s got some frosting that needs to be washed off first. But of course you don’t wash off frosting on an actual cake because that would be fucked.” J-Bone is then ready for his session of passionate lovemaking with you trying to follow up the amazing first session.

- M-Town then proceeds to say in his Borat voice, “HIGH FIVE!” We then exchange high fives while you are hammered off your ass in the front room waiting for another bloggers rod.

- Now it’s time to find out that the decepticons were right all along. The naughty boys always know how to please a lady. I walk up to you and say “sup.” and give you a little head nod. Of course I’m fully naked at this point so things are a little awkward. But then your breasts flash into my line of view and megatron comes to life! The story unfolds and the scene looks like megatron and optimus prime duking it out in New York City. The apartment looks like shit! But you don’t, Because you’re Megan Fox and your fine as fuck. I then proceed trying to read that text you have on the side of your body I can’t exactly read what it says because I’m still a bit intoxicated from the night of booze at the very unfamiliar Chili’s. I get half the text figured out and then realize were not fucking. So we get back to the purpose of your little trip. When were done you are fully converted to the darkside of the transformers lifestyle and M-Town is packin down a sandwich. Bologna to be exact… He is not heart broken because guys love sandwiches more than anything! This will be the topic of my next entry as J-Bone.

- So “New York” is fucked and the deed is done. We then let you sleep. On the floor because you can’t walk after megatron (J-Bone) pounds your vag!

- The next morning were all hungover and you don’t know who we are which is ok because technically you still have a boyfriend that would kick our asses if he found out what happened here.

- You get cleaned up and shower. We film it and then you say what’s the camera for? We then say in a pathetic attempt hoping it will work, “It’s the newly installed mirror in our bathroom and we need to hold it for it to work. Ya dig?” She says no. We turn off mirror.

- You are cleaned up and changed into the same outfit you wore in Transformers when you were leaning up against the car in that flick. Yeah!!!!! Then it’s into the limo where we carry your things yet again because we are gentleman and we respect your coolness and more importantly your sexiness.

- While driving to airport you ask, “What happened last night after our visit to the uncommon chain restaurant known as Chili’s?” M-Town replies by saying, “We of course watched Transformers and you thought it was so funny seeing yourself on tv. You were laughing all the time and then asked to bang me and I said yes with an unsure voice but you were giddy to get with us that we had to go with the flow. You know it was all in good fun. So yeah it was just a fun night.” You reply by saying, “Hahaha really? Yeah that’s cool.” M-town says, “Great.”

- We get to airport and say our good-byes we can’t go to the terminal with the whole security shit and terrorism so were not allowed to bid a’dieu at the terminal. So we exchange hugs and you leave our lives probably forever.

Sincerely,
M-Town and J-Bone
The Jellydonut Blog Owners