Does anyone else miss THE Snorgtees girl?

Browsing the web tonight being a lazy ass, as usual.  Well, I saw a Facebook ad for Snorgtees.  Clicked on it because I hadn’t been on that site in quite some time.  I love their shirts but I’m disappointed that they didn’t have THE Snorgtees girl.

Ya see that?  How could you not love this woman?  She’s wearing a t-shirt with a Will Ferrell character reference and she’s teasing us with her banging body.  Love it!  Well the damn Snorgtees people don’t have this fine tang anymore modeling their shirts.

Apparently her name is Alice Fraasa, a student at Auburn University.  Pretty cool school and not cliche for someone as hot as herself.  Usually these fine ass viral co-eds hail from Arizona State on the streets of Mill Ave. blowing men nightly or Colorado where they are kicking for the football squad and getting harrassed.  You know the drill.

Damn I miss me some Alice though.  War fuckin Eagle.  So Snorgtees, if you want me to purchase a shirt at your site ever again I hope you bring Alice back!  If she is asking for too much money, give it to her!  Us creepy half-assed internet bloggers rely on this nerdy kind of shit to get us through days where we have nothing to look forward to except looking at hot women in shirts with our favorite movie quotes on them.

Afternoon Rant: Super Mario World on Super Nintendo was badass and my favorite games on old consoles

As much as I love the current video gaming consoles; I really miss classic consoles even more.  Sega Genesis, Nintendo, and probably the best of all Super Nintendo.

I busted out my old Super Nintendo today and played some Super Mario World.  Holy shit this game was fuckin awesome.  We forget as we get old and just work all the time how badass these games were.

I have a Nintendo Wii and none of the Mario games on that console can even touch Super Mario World.  Just look at the casing for one.  Hell, I think that SMW cover is so badass I might photoshop my face onto Mario and probably put some bitchass I hate in society just to emphasize I fuckin own him/her and everyone will get the reference because this game is that fuckin cool!

Super Mario World is my favorite Super Nintendo game hands down.  Other favorite games from SNES and other classic consoles.

Sega Genesis

Nintendo

“Tik Tok” here’s my Cock

Where can I get those shades you crazy bitch?

Have you heard that kinda catchy song “Tik Tok” recently?  I’m assuming most of you haven’t; probably because you probably googled something along the lines of “funny catchphrases to say while fucking” you then saw Tik Tok here’s my Cock and thought that was witty so you clicked and were expecting more well nada.  Rather than reading sexual lines your going to listen to a sexual song…at least I like to think its sexual.

So what do you think? You probably didn’t listen did you? Okay lets discuss if you would bang Kesha.

Thats her name afterall. I’m gonna be in the group that says, “Yeah I would” Why? Because 1) shes a singer. So maybe she can sing me something while taking her from behind. 2) She’s got a trashy look that we here at the Jellydonut ALWAYS love!

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UPDATE: WAIT PEOPLE!!!!! Before you go any farther and think about looking up pics on Kesha on Google…we might be examining the wrong person. IS KESHA A DUDE!?!?!?!?!

Cartman singing Poker Face

Absolutely brilliant!!!

What’s sad is I problem sound strikingly similar to Cartman when I sing; especially Lada Gaga.

To the ZUNE HD…Don’t expect me to buy your shit anymore more!

Recently, I felt like I was the only one not rockin a MP3 player.  I had a iPod touch when they first came out, but it got stale on me.  Bored with that shit and everyone was getting one.  I don’t roll like that.

Well I felt it was time to revive my MP3 glory again with a new media player.  I was contemplating a iPod classic with 120GB but buying a iPod anymore is so damn cliche its annoying.  I researched this Zune HD the Best Buy girl was telling me about.  By the way, this Best Buy chick was this spanish Ellen Page kind of chick.  It was freakishly weird and hot at the same time.  I wanted to turn on a MP3 player and maybe rock some She Wolf and let the feathers fly.  Anywho, she rambles yada yada yada sweet gal but boring as shit.  I’m testing out the product and surely enough it was pretty badass from what I could tell.  Really liked the feel and the handle.  Great product.  So I dropped the cash and got one.  Zune HD now mine.

Take it home and the drama begins.  First off can’t fuckin download the Zune Marketplace which is their version of iTunes.  I have a damn Windows computer let me download that shit.  Continued to get an error message.  Hell I couldn’t even get my USB cable to fit in any of my USB components.  My fuckin luck.  So before I could even use this mutha fucka I’m already done and going to return it.  Fuck you Zune HD.

I fuckin miss Ted Ferguson, Bud Light Daredevil

Please tell me you remember Ted Ferguson from just reading the title of this post.  I sure hope you do or I would ask you to stop reading because Ted Ferguson as far as American Icons go is pretty high up on my list.

This icon was doing the stunts only us REAL Americans can enjoy.  Have you tried staying at work two minutes past 5 on a FRIDAY!?!?!?!  Its fuckin insane!

Now I love the current Bud Light ads with the “Drinkability” and shit; but Ted Ferguson was the fuckin man! I miss him. We need Ted to come back! I wish I could meet the real Ted Ferguson and have some beers with that guy.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I make heroes out of the most random ass people. Who else has a bucket list wish to one day have beers with Ted Ferguson, Bud Light Daredevil? No one I tell ya! Except the kickass dudes at the Jellydonut! Onward Legolas mutha fuckas!

Is wearing a Lady Gaga t-shirt normal?

Lady Gaga is so fuckin weird yet I love her dearly.

Her music makes me look like a total fuckin idiot on dance floors everywhere. When Poker Face comes on I look and feel like a busted up stripper trying to round up 13 cents for a Diet Coke at the vending machine. Do I care? No. Thats why I bought a Lady Gaga t-shirt to show how much I don’t fuckin care! BOOM!

Signed up for Myspace again. Yeah the Place for Friends. So I can stick a 30 year-old

Remember when Myspace was actually relevant? Not many do anymore. Its all Twitter and Facebook these days and rightfully so. But with that said, it had me thinking….all the people left on Myspace are probably idiots. And the women, particularly the ones who are over the age of 30 are really dumb and want young cock. Well thats my mission to stick a 30 year-old something of which I have never done.

It shall be interesting.

I will keep people posted.

Drunk on the opening night of Madden caused me to lose two games by a total of 54 points

Do you freeze your whiskey? If you do you might actually see me drunk while playing Madden 10.

That’s what my video gaming friends witnessed on the opening night of Madden.

Me the Indianapolis Colts. Friend the Oakland Raiders.

Me consuming beer after beer and friend not drinking except maybe a Rockstar.

End result?

Colts 0 Raiders 40 @ Lucas Oil Stadium.

Fuck me.

Drink more beer!

Next Game.

Me Patriots. Friend the San Francisco Transvestites a.k.a. 49ers.

Patriots 0 Transvestites 14 and that was 2 minutes into the ball game.

So if you want to really build your confidence and fuck someone up in Madden 10 play me while drunk. You will destroy me and I will probably just laugh and say in a stammering voice, “IM FINE! IM FINE GUYS! REALLY! I AM!”

Phil Collins is one of my heroes

Phil Collins.  I fuckin love him.  I heard Easy Lover at the mall today and wow I must say it made me realize how ballerish this guy really was and is today.  Cheers to you Mr. Collins!

Fuck you PETA! Michael Vick is BACK!

Hey Peta get a fuckin life.  That’s all I gotta say to you.  Michael Vick paid his debt to society he was remorseful and is looking to turn his life around.  Quit trying to chime in and stay relevant no one gives a fuck about you!

Go Michael Vick.  He should do well in Philly.  I’m getting annoyed with people trying to say that Vick is going to unseat McNabb.  Ummm…no.  Vick was signed because of all the intangibles he brings to a team.  Defenses have to prep for hours at what thats guy capable of doing.  He strikes fear into everyone.

Andy Reid is a great guy to put with Vick.  Reid himself has went through some personal troubles as of late with his sons going in and out of jail.

I think this was a great thing to see Vick get signed again I’m excited for him.  I don’t condone the dudes actions on those dogs but damn lets quit acting like dogs are more important than humans.

Until a dog pays taxes I’m not gonna get worked up over the mutt.

You know how there are two kinds of Lesbians? The ones on Cinemax who are really hot and get it on. Then the ones who are really mean.

Isn’t that the fuckin truth.

Cheers

Shhhh! I’m gonna ruin a double date.

Double dates suck horse cock. To me the double date is equivalent to well going on a date with your best friend because 9 times out of 10 you end up talking to your friend more than the two chicks. Not this time though. Oh no! Not this time.

So this upcoming weekend have a double date planned with these two young ladies who have a look that would be appetizing to see on the tip of my penis. Will it happen? Probably not. Oh Well. *Ryan Reynolds voice* I’ve made peace with that.

I’m coming out of a 1 year and a 1/2 relationship as it is so I’m in really no rush to see anyone again. Yeah I know your stunned I was in a relationship aside from half-ass duties as this shit blogger.

But my buddy who is Single and seems to want a girlfriend is pretty stoked for this thing.

So my plan is to act like Captain Dickapotamous on this date and make him look like Prince Charming over there in all of his polo-y goodness.  Get him feelin good again with ladies.

Time to tap into my inner Dane Cook and set this date to new lows.

Hopefully he gets a 3-way from it. I’d be kinda proud of myself if that did in fact happen because I would feel like I fucked em too. So hooray me!

But whats some stuff I should do to act like Captain Dickapotamous on this 4-way date? I was thinking of possibly wearing a novelty t-shirt with a crude saying. I also own a Trojan Magnum t-shirt that is ballerish and would be worthy of busting out on this date.

During dinner I’m thinking of dialouge that would offend the most perverse women on the planet.

The key to all of this is if my boy can stand strong and reel these bitches in. But I’m not going to tell him my plan. This is my test for him. I kinda feel like Kenny Powers and he is my Stevie. This is his first assignment to see if he can grab this snatch by the horns and take it away, and possibly take it from behind.

What would be depressing is if these girls who are somewhat reserved were freakishly turned on by my crude antics and thought my friend was boring as shit. That would make for a kick ass tale though. Only time will tell. I might possibly be tweeting these events on of course our kickass Twitter. Follow us @JellyDonutBlog

That’s Cool as Shit: Hashtags on Twitter

For those of you who don’t “Tweet” your missing out.  Your missing out on a revolution of sorts.  I’m morbidly obsessed with Twitter anymore.  I don’t really update the JellyDonut Twitter because I’m lazy as fuck with that shit.  Throw stones at me!  Why delay the inevitable.  Meh.  I need heroine.

Hashtags are really cool.  In fact they officially became “cool as shit” here on the blog.

WHY?

One of the current treding topics as I look at Twitter right now is….*drumroll using your penis on the drum* #gaysex.

Ha.

Isn’t it always grand talkin bout two guys fuckin?  Whenever I think of two guys fuckin I always go back to that Adam Sandler track on his 2nd album titled, “Sex or Weight Lifting”.  The dude Barry Lincoln (Sandler) asks people on the street if these audio clips he has recorded are people working out or people having sex.

One of the tracks consisted of two men engaging in #gaysex and one of them said one of the greatest lines in music history.  “AH YEAH!  WERE TWO GUYS FUCKIN!  SMACK MY ASS!  WERE TWO GUYS FUCKIN!”

So that is why Hashtags on Twitter are Cool as Shit.

In 140 characters or less tell me what you would do to this summer trim?