- I didn’t sing at the Drive-In, and there wasn’t a swingset. But I sure as hell threw my hot dog in a juicy bun. YOU CAN BELIEVE THAT!
Hi. Remember me? I’m your lazy as fuck blogger of the Jellydonut Blog, M-Town. Here again.
I’m back again to talk about my weekend. Getting my dick sucked at a Drive-In movie in the back of a Chevy Tahoe and then sticking my penis in the girls vagina.
What a welcome back post eh?
Went to the Drive-In with this chick who I met recently at the mall. Yup, no creepy internet encounter, blind date, or through prison letters. We met up at a local mall in the food court. She sat in the vicinity of myself and my friend and I overheard them talking about some dude at the Vans store who they found to be a real asshole. I then blurted out, “you should know that guy your talking bad about happens to be my cousin!” Obviously not going to say brother because who knows the guy could be a asian, black, or mexican dude for all I know and I’m some pasty white boy who’s got a fuckin gut.
She like fuckin choked on her drink (which in the future would be eerily similar to the same reaction of sucking my penis, but we will get to that) and was like….oh I’m sorry. I didn’t intend to be mean or offend….blah blah blah (at this point I’m staring at her cleavage that was showing). I go over to her and her friends table along with my friend, and I was talkin a bit still acting as this random Vans employees cousin who offended them. Then out of nowhere I told them I was lying, and I had no idea who the hell they were talking about.
REALLY!!??!?! They said. OH MY GOSH! You got us so good! They were laughing and we were all laughing and then it led to me introducing myself and them as well and my friend, blah blah blah again I’m staring at her clevage.
We kept talking and were hanging out at the mall for a little bit then we exchanged numbers. She thought I was funny enough to be seen with apparently, because physically right now I have this nasty Kyle Orton neckbeard going on. Ya its true guys, if your not the shiniest tool in the box you can still get pussy. Very attractive pussy in fact. All you gotta do is be a funny son of a bitch and the women fall for it. Just make sure they aren’t goal driven. Those women never fall for the funny card. They fall for the money card.
Well me and this girl who I will name Chasity for the sake that she doesn’t come across this blog and figure out that its referring to her and her date with me a guy who is trying to look like Alan from The Hangover and lo and behold hes so fuckin creepy that he posts blogs about sexual escapdes. Sooo shhh!! Don’t Tell!
No longer DTF, but rather "Down To Roethlisberger"
Anyways, after the mall meet-up we talked a bit through texts but never could nail down a day to go out on a date for a few weeks. We would talk about some random shit when we did text though which is always fun. For example, so do you think Iron Man 2 looks good? She said. I respond, it would look better if you were naked. Then she would respond with a LOL or some dumb shit like that, that girls always say in text. But through the random texting is when I knew she was down to fuck, or as I like to call it, DOWN TO ROETHLISBERGER.
Well finally, we set up a day to go out on a date. Last Saturday, we decided to go to the Drive-In to see of all movies, Nightmare on Elm Street. I was pretty stoked, not because I had a hot date but because it was my first Drive-In flick since fuckin Aladdin was tearin up the Box Offices ass. Then in the night cap of my last Drive-In experience it was Last Action Hero with dee Governor of KALIFORNIA, Arnold Schwarzenegger. So yeah, it had been a long ass time since I had been to the Drive-In.
So the day of the scheduled date arrives. I get a text around 3ish from the girl we will call Chasity, saying, “Hey stud! Still on for tonight? I was thinking we should bring some alchyhol LOL 
I have some whiskey hehehe if your down with that let me know”
Some find romance in the form of candles and strawberries dipped in chocolates. This half-assed blogger finds romance when he gets a text from a hot chick saying she wants to get liquored up at a Drive-In. My heart was about to explode or shall I say I was about to cum in my pants. Not really because I’m Kenny Powers bitch.
Finally meet up with Chasity again and she insists on driving us over to the Drive-In just in case I get too liquored up so I don’t drive. I gladly accept her off to drive over there.
The badass chick that she is first goes to 7-Eleven to get of course her mixer for this budget whiskey, she was gonna go with Diet Coke but I told her to let loose and go with that Polar Bear favorite, Coca-Cola Classic. She was like, ”Where do you come up with this stuff? I love it hahaha” I wanted to say hordes of comedies that I religiously quote, vulgar friends, an obsession with all forms of media and pornography. Anywho I should note that she was wearing this lil short skirt and it made me aware of her legs, which I found out were all tatted up which is awesome. Tattoos make all women 90% hotter its a fact.
While at the Sev, she tells me get what you want its on me. You sure??? Yeah get what ya want. FUCK YES! So I pick up the Iron Man Big Gulp cup which is like $2 and get the metal slurpee straw to go with it, to see how far this goes. She’s still cool with it. Then I get go-go taquitos which as you all know I fucking love. She’s still cool with it. At this point, I’m thinking okay is this a dude dressed up as a really hot chick or is this a chick who hasn’t had dick in a few years and she desperately wants cock to the point that she’s willing to buy whatever 7-Eleven food this immature bastard wants. I was concerned but at the same time loving every minute of it.
We then leave the Sev, her total was about $12 hahaha it was classic. $12 at the fuckin 7-Eleven and again she doesn’t want to kick my ass. This is great. Hey Recession fuck you when me and my date are out on the town. SUCK IT!
Drive over to the Drive-In and she insists on buying this as well. I was like nah, you get yours (being the gentleman that I am) and I will get mine. I did that as a strategic move. I didn’t want all of my good fortune to be used on cheap Sev food and a movie ticket. I wanted the ultimate ticket at the end of this nights rainbow….PUSSY. So I gladly paid for my ticket and my ticket only.
Pull into the Drive-In lot, and I feel like a kid again. It was fun seeing all these couples who weren’t coming to see a movie but to simply fuck. It was great. I literally thought this is what people did in the 80s if they were loners to get their porn fix. They came to the Drive-In to just jack off to see the foggy car windows. God bless the 80s and their god damn innocence and total awesomeness!
So me and my date are waiting for the film to start. Were chattin it up having a great time, and then she pulls out her bottle of budget whiskey to dump in her Coca-Cola, and mine as well. Let’s get this party started.
Nightmare on Elm Street starts up and was rollin, the film must I say was very mediocre. Not nearly the masterful job of the original. The original was simple and scary as shit. Not once did I get scared by this film, but this is not the point of my blog entry.
While we were watching the film, I pulled out my phone to do some texting and she was all like, “That’s kinda rude. Well I’m gonna start texting on my phone.” And I reply saying, To hell your not! I take her phone and pull away so her tits and body are reaching over me. She didn’t slide down to the jackpot just yet, but it was getting there. The tension was in the air. I acted as thought I was gonna hand her, her phone back but then yanked it again and said I was gonna look through her phone. She was like, Sure whatever. Again, I’m floored by this. A girl has NEVER and I mean NEVER let me look through her phone. I thought it was badass in a way. Then I said, I’m gonna look at your photos. She then said, NO NO NO NO DONT DO THAT!…..Uh oh my earlier feelings that this might be a dude dressed as a hot chick are coming back again. Is she hiding pics of her dick? What the fuck is going on? And this budget whiskey isn’t helping matters.
I ask why can’t I look at your pictures? She says, because I have some stuff on there I don’t want you to see. OH SHIT!!!! MY WORST FEARS ARE HAPPENING!!!
She fuckin flat out said she had some nude photos of herself on her phone, saying she takes pics of herself when bored. I was getting aroused. Only a woman would do that. Men don’t do shit like that.
From there, the talk is getting more sexual and of course more whiskey is being consumed and were gettin wrecked.
Nightmare on Elm Streets ends and Chasity needs to go the bathroom. I call up my boss from work for some god damn reason and I’m talkin to him. Apparently he’s getin bombed off Jager. Good for him. Were talkin about shit I don’t even remember. Then Chasity comes back into the vehicle and I instantly act on the phone to my boss like he is firing me. Chasity is surprised or whatever and I’m tellin her “Yeah my boss is fuckin firiing me” I don’t remember the exact details but I remember her saying to my boss that he is cockblockin me and I should say something sexual and I said I’m gonna fingerbang the shit outta you….referring to Chasity.
*Hung up on the boss* (And no he didn’t fire me that was just a drunken rant by me I was doing.)
After the boss was off the line and we were gearing up for movie #2 which was The Losers, there was a different vibe in the air. What I like to call a sexual vibe.
She said, I guess your boss can’t cockblock anymore now huh? I said NOPE!
As the famous DJ Pauly D would say, “LETS GET DOWN TO THE BUSINESS”.
She slowly started sucking my penis and from there we went in the back seat and she straddled the shit out of me until I came on her ass. No condom might I add friends. No safe sex for this blogger!
It was great sex. We were both drunk, a movie that had a title that totally didn’t fit what was happening for me at that point in time was playing and I came what felt like a massive half gallon of milk on her ass. What a fucking date. After that we were sweaty and stunk, it was fantastic. Just chillin in the backseat trying to figure out what was going on in the movie.
The movie sucked so fuckin bad that we turned down the audio and started making our own dialouge as the characters. It always turned to a penis going in a ass remark, which is kinda like this blog.
But it was a great date. She drove me back to my car and I drove home a bit buzzed but sobered up a bit. And when I got home she left me a text saying she had a great time. I responded I did too but I wanted to see one of the photos she takes on her phone while bored. She wrote lol okay. Then sent me a nude pic of herself in the shower. I then pumped out a few more M-townlings and went to bed.
Needless to say, I think I want to see her again.
Do you freeze your whiskey? If you do you might actually see me drunk while playing Madden 10.
