That’s Cool as Shit: Hashtags on Twitter

For those of you who don’t “Tweet” your missing out.  Your missing out on a revolution of sorts.  I’m morbidly obsessed with Twitter anymore.  I don’t really update the JellyDonut Twitter because I’m lazy as fuck with that shit.  Throw stones at me!  Why delay the inevitable.  Meh.  I need heroine.

Hashtags are really cool.  In fact they officially became “cool as shit” here on the blog.

WHY?

One of the current treding topics as I look at Twitter right now is….*drumroll using your penis on the drum* #gaysex.

Ha.

Isn’t it always grand talkin bout two guys fuckin?  Whenever I think of two guys fuckin I always go back to that Adam Sandler track on his 2nd album titled, “Sex or Weight Lifting”.  The dude Barry Lincoln (Sandler) asks people on the street if these audio clips he has recorded are people working out or people having sex.

One of the tracks consisted of two men engaging in #gaysex and one of them said one of the greatest lines in music history.  “AH YEAH!  WERE TWO GUYS FUCKIN!  SMACK MY ASS!  WERE TWO GUYS FUCKIN!”

So that is why Hashtags on Twitter are Cool as Shit.

In 140 characters or less tell me what you would do to this summer trim?

The badest ass mo fo on Twitter

Twitter is the greatest source of info around anywhere.  Well the next time you log on to your Twitter make sure to add this fella.

porno_poet

That’s his username but the best parts about this man are his bio; which reads:

Bio I’m an x rated comic/poet with chest hair in the shape of a heart.

Chest hair in the shape of a heart eh?  Can’t be!  Think again my friends.

Hell yes!  That’s what I’m talkin bout right there!  The do and the chest hair.  Fuck yes!

That’s Cool as Shit: Go-Go Taquitos from 7-Eleven

Gas Station food is America’s little hidden gem.  Convenient stores across America have this cheap ass food that most would assume has to be nasty as hell considering the price.  Nuh uh.  And the king of these gas station food products is the Go-Go Taquitos from 7-Eleven.

Have you ever ended a shift at work really late and wondered what the fuck you could eat?  Problem solved.  Oh Thank Heaven for 7-Eleven.  Just approach the man behind the counter with tats up and down his arm and has gages in his ears that are bigger than the size of your penis and get you a Jalapeno Cream Cheese Taquito.  You can thank me later.

NFL Preview 2009: Ranking the AFC East with Cheerleaders

Football Season.  Its the greatest time of the year.  Right now I’m trying to get my sports fix from the NBA Free Agency and Wimbledon.  Its not wetting my appettite.

So in order to get through this dog shit days of summer, were going to give random rankings of NFL shit leading up to the season.  Were predicting how each division will finish based on how hot the cheerleaders are.

First ranking list is the AFC East Cheerleaders.  Hopefully this wets other areas of your appettite.  For the most part it goes status quo for what the actual teams do.

#1 New England Patriots

#2 New York Jets

#3 Miami Dolphins

#4 Buffalo Bills

Final Thought

How do you Jellydonut readers see the AFC East playing out?  Its a pretty tough division from top to bottom.  The Bills of course made the off-season acquisition of Terrell Owens so they have some upside.  The Patriots have a healthy Tom Brady at QB, and their Linebacking unit looks like its been better than it has in years past.  Miami is the defending division champion so they feel like they can do it again.  Then the Jets have a rookie QB in Sanchez who has the weight of New York football on his shoulder, but at the same time has the talent to fulfill expectations.

Should be a very competitive division this entire year.  The cheerleaders were pretty damn difficult to judge as well.

That’s Cool as Shit: Eastbound & Down Season 1 on DVD

Here at the Jellydonut Blog were always trying to come up with ideas to make the site more fun for you readers.  Well today were introducing a new feature.

“That’s Cool as Shit”

Everyday there will be a picture of something we think is “Cool as Shit”.  Our plan is everyday but we all know how that goes, we soon get lazy as shit.  But we will definitely try.

We thought we would kick it off with the tv show that gave us the quote, “Cool as Shit”; Eastbound & Down.  A favorite here at the Jellydonut.

Today you can purchase the 6-episode brilliant Season 1.  The only reason I know this is because of Twitter.  Thank god for you, you little contraption with a bird taking a shit in a nest.

Purchase Eastbound & Down Season 1 on DVD today!

Welcome the newest member to the spank bank: Leighton Meester. Cobra Starship’s “Good Girls Go Bad” music video

At some point, you have probably heard the ultra catchy song by Cobra Starship called, “Good Girls Go Bad”. Its a Top 40 song right now and is getting a lot of run on the air waves as of late.

Early this morning on MTV2, the music video for that song debuted. And wow did it leave an impression. Leighton Meester. Welcome to the Jellydonut Spank Bank. Your the latest entrant. But she didn’t leave as good of an impression as Gabe Saporta’s white Ray Ban glasses with the clear lenses. That dude is a fuckin baller and I need some of those glasses.

Anywho, I didn’t know the fuck you were Leighton til today but now its more than comfortability. I FUCKIN LOVE YOU! (What movie is that quote in? Whoever gets it gets a gold dinosaur sticker. And I’m not kidding.)

Your latest spank banker

UPDATE: MTV’s embedding of videos sucks cock and doesn’t work on WordPress I guess. So below is the link to the video. Watch it and enjoy its Cobra-y goodness. Fangs Up!

Cobra Starship’s “Good Girls Go Bad” ft. Jellydonuts latest Spank Banker

Hey Guys, You Ready to Let the Dogs Out?

Zach Galifianakis wears a totally badass T-Shirt in the comedy hit of the Summer, The Hangover. 

Since I’m a dork and don’t have much a life I tried to get my hands on that shirt by doing some research.  I finally came acrossed it on UrbanOutfitters.com.  The shirt is called “Human Tree” and is now sold out on the Urban Outfitters site.

But lucky for me there is a Urban Outfitters near where I live and luckily they had it!  I also picked up some shades that look to what Alan (Galifianakis) wears in the film.  Score!  Now I just need a satchel and maybe the manhood to grow a beard and I can be someone else.  Yay I have no identity!

The total cost for both of these items was under $30.  A very good deal.  Time to go get bombed now in honor of the shirt!

Bonafide badass tattoos

COED Magazine did an article on the “210 ‘WTF Were They Thinking’ Tattoos” recently and I feel quite the opposite I think most of these are cool as shit.

My favorites from the list

Anchorman is the greatest film ever made. I’ve often thought a Burgundy tat would be badass.

“Zack Attack”. Zack Morris from Saved By the Bell. Ballerish. Love this tat. To the man who got this your a fuckin god to the men at The Jellydonut.

What a terrific list by the guys at COED. I need to get some more tats.

Greatest Family Guy clip EVER

Late Night Rant: Why do rappers not wear sports jerseys anymore? And Rihanna makes me remember why I want to have sexual relations with her

YouTube is such a badass site.  Basically anything in terms of video is on that damn thing anymore.  Its really great.  So earlier today, I heard that Twista song titled, “Slow Jamz” on the radio and I remember how I used to love that shit.  When I got home from work, I went to the YouTube to watch the music video.  Damn, I miss the music videos at the early part of this decade from rappers.  They were always wearing badass sports jerseys!  What the hell has happened?  That was one of the reasons why I got so into Rap and Hip-Hop music in the first place was because of the great jerseys.

In that “Slow Jamz” vid you see Twista wearing a sweet Lew Alcindor (Kareem Abdul-Jabbar) UCLA jersey.  Other guys in the vid had a throwback Knicks uni, a classic White Sox jersey with the sick “SOX” text across the front.  Why do our rappers not wear this kind of stuff anymore?

If I remember the throwback jersey revolution started with Outkast.  Baby Boy or whatever the fuck his name is was sportin throwback unis in his music vids and I loved it.  Now all we see is this shit you probably see at your local Buckle store.  The only guy that gets a pass in all this shit is Kanye West.  The dude never entered the rap game wearing the jerseys in the first place.  He has always had his own style and it seems like rappers are trying to immulate him.  Pisses me the fuck off!  Go back to awesome throwbacks!

Speaking of Kanye West, have you seen his latest music video from the “808’s  & Heartbreaks” album?  Damn its my favorite track on the CD, “Paranoid” and guess who’s in it singing absolutely nothing and just looking like a rap sex slave?  RIHANNA!

The outfit she wears in this instantly gives me lift.  Kanye West is now officially a visionary for getting Rihanna to wear this kinda garb.

Watch and you tell me how you feel.

I’m paranoid at the thought of some dude not having sexual urges for this woman. Thats what we should all be paranoid about. As far as Kanye’s Paranoid behavior goes I have no what idea his vid explains. I guess he’s too smart for my pastelle ass. But I still love that son of a bitch.

I (heart) you yet again Rihanna. Just look at my desk and you will see the evidence.

Its been a few days. I thought I would share my thoughts on Michael Jacksons passing

Panda Express was just devoured.  I was with a friend when all of a sudden I get some “Tweets” saying that Michael Jackson is dead at UCLA Medical Center.  What the hell was my first response probably like most people.  It just didn’t seem real; especially since Michael was such a theatrical person and had the personality to pull off something like that.  It was surreal to say the least.

Then it was finally official that Michael Jackson had passed and I was still pretty surprised.

Its odd when you think about it.  The guy had not been in the public eye for quite some time but then when he finally passes the world is in a state of shock.  It was seriously nuts.  The man is our modern day Elivs.

I was seeing many people pop off with lego jokes or whatever the hell it was but I thought that was in poor taste.  You don’t fuckin joke around about somebody’s death.

I really felt that Michael got the shaft on the radio air waves.  Here locally, not a single station was playing any of his songs.  I talked to my father about this situation and he was telling me how when John Lennon died during a Monday Night Football game that all the local radio stations started playing Beatles songs in honor of him.  Why wasn’t Michael given his due?  The mans music is timeless.  The definition of timeless you could say.

Michael Jackson the person, seemed like an enigma to me and probably most the public.  But man was and is his music special?  I love his music.  I have the 25th anniversary Thriller CD and have been listening to it a lot since Thursday and its amazing stuff.  The guy was something else and was what entertainers should be.  One of the greatest.

Because of him I’ve often thought it would be cool to wear a suit with a bowtie and white glittery socks.   That’s how badass he was.

If in fact, the Jackson family releases a cd for some of the “secret” Michael songs; I will be purchasing that.

One thing this passing has made me realize is that were almost more valuable to society when were dead.  Its morbid, but when you think about it, its very true.  All of a sudden a music icon passes and his music from decades ago is selling at the top of the charts again.  Its just like us regular folk, when we die our families get these life insurance policies or whatever left behind.  When were dead were more valuable.  Kind of depressing.

Its too bad we as a society (I’m guilty as well) gave up on Jackson.  Nobody helped him really and he was completely isolated.  Sad stuff.  Hopefully he is in a better place.

The mans music was legendary and stuff I will always be playing till the end of my time.

R.I.P. Michael.

The San Diego Chicken might retire and my rankings of greatest mascots ever

There are rumors floating around that the famous San Diego Chicken might hang up his beak and retire.  I honestly might go into cardiac arrest.

The San Diego Chicken is one of the coolest mascots around.  I’m trying to find the photo I got with him as a young non-perverted blogging lad back in the day at my local minor league teams stadium.  The Chicken was making a special guest appearance.  It was pretty cool seeing him especially considering I was 8.  No not Jon & Kate shit.  I was just the age of 8.  I didn’t have 8 kids and try to drag the public around with my fuckin antics and throw around the possibility of getting a divorce.  TLC can those fuckin fuckos.

If the San Diego Chicken retires THE greatest mascot in all of sports will be officially gone.  Hands down the best all-time and its not even close.

Here are my five greatest mascots of all-time

#1 San Diego Chicken

#2 Phillie Phanatic (Philadelphia Phillies)

#3 Suns Gorilla (Phoenix Suns)

#4 Mr. Met (New York Mets)

#5 Brutus the Buckeye (Ohio State University)

Who are your top 5 mascots?

Andy Samberg’s hosting the MTV Movie Awards? Yes! I’m actually interested in a awards show now so here are my predictions.

The MTV Movie Awards are usually pretty cool, but this year they are the bomb dot com!  Yeah I just dropped a ‘98 catch phrase piss off!  But shit Samberg from SNL is hosting the MTV Movie Awards how the hell does this get by me till now?

I’m stoked and just set the DVR to see the epic show.  Unlike the boring shit known as the Oscars the MTV Movie Awards have some badass categories and involve films that joe schmoe actually watches.  Sorry I don’t watch films involving Kate Winselt having sex with 16 year olds in a Holocaust camp.  Oh wait.  I actually did see that, and it was kind of erotic.  Hmmm…maybe the MTV Movie Awards aren’t as badass as I originally thought.  Hey hold that thought now they are again because the new Twilight trailer, “New Moon” is gonna be shown at the Awards show.  My god I just jizzed myself.

My predicted winners for this year’s MTV Movie Awards

LINK to the entire list of Nominees

Best Movie

The Dark Knight

I really don’t know how this movie was snubbed from the actual Oscars.  This movie was amazing.  I honestly don’t see how it can’t win.  I was surprised to see High School Musical 3 as one of the nominees.  Your telling me thats a better movie than Step Brothers?  YOUR FUCKIN HIGH!

Best Female Performance

Angelina Jolie, Wanted

Jolie shows her ass in this movie.  It was ASS-tastic and I ‘WANTED’ more.  Anne Hatheway is a fucktart who doesn’t belong for her piss poor in “Bride Wars” which is one of the worst films I have seen this year.

My runner-up to Jolie was Winslet’s role in The Reader.  Yeah that one where she’s gettin it on with a 16 year-old kid.

Best Male Performance

Robert Downey Jr., Iron Man

Downey’s performance in Iron Man was a comeback of sorts from all the shit he had been through recently and he was the perfect Tony Stark.  Iron Man was a great great movie.  Can’t wait for #2 next year.

The dude that didn’t belong as a nominee was Zac Efron.  I swear to god if I see him starring in another film I will honestly choke a old old woman who is ringing up tickets at a box office.   That’s how much I hate that doucher.

Breakthrough Performance Female

Kat Dennings, Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist

In a landslide Dennings was my clear cut winner over bitches Ashley Tisdale and Miley Cyrus.  Freida Pinto from Slumdog Millionaire is deserving but her role wasn’t anything impressive in that movie, and she was an undecisive S.O.B. in that movie.  Hand it to Kat, and she’s sexy as hell which doesn’t hurt matters.  Hell I follow her on Twitter so yeah kudos to me!

Breakthrough Performance Male

Bobb’e J. Thompson, Role Models

If “Edward” from Twlight gets this over Bobb’e J. its simply because all these damn teenie boppers rigged the voting and voted every god damn day.  Kinda like Kris Allen winning Idol.  But Bobb’e J. was amazing in Role Models and held his own with Sean William Scott and Paul Rudd.  One thing I worry with this kid is that he will have the Gary Coleman/Webster effect.  When he gets older he won’t have that cute appeal anymore.  He better bank on his glory now.

Best Comedic Performances

James Franco, Pineapple Express *by default

Wow what pathetic options for the best comedic performances.  How bout Paul Rudd in Role Models?  Will Ferrell or John C. Reilly in Step Brothers?  Robert Downey Jr. in Tropic Thunder?  Seth Rogen in Zack & Miri Make a Porno?  Instead were stuck with Amy Poehler from Baby Mama.  Lame.  Anna Faris in The House Bunny.  Meh.  Jim Carrey from Yes Man.  Soooo 1997.  Steve Carell in Get Smart.  Blah.  Then finally James Franco in Pineapple Express which is probably the worst Apatow production yet.  Failed to live up to expectations.

Another idea for best comedic performance would be Danny McBride in The Foot Fist Way.  C’mon MTV!

Best Villain

Heath Ledger, The Dark Knight

Epic performance of the famed Joker, and completely brought a whole new dimension to comic book films.  Amazing role.

Best Kiss

James Franco and Sean Penn, Milk

These two outstanding actors kissing at numerous times in the movie is really interesting and has some shock value because you don’t usually see that with such main-stream actors.  Give it to em.

Best Fight

Christian Bale vs. Heath Ledger, The Dark Knight

When Batman and the Joker were in the same scenes together it was terrific, and you were on the edge of your seat wondering what would happen next.  Amazing stuff on film.

Best WTF Moment

Naked Break Up (Jason Segel and Kristen Bell), Forgetting Sarah Marshall

You know its a WTF moment when you remember exactly how you reacted in the theater when you saw it.  I erupted in laughter and was ready to give Segel a standing O for not only showing his junk but for how well kept they were.  I have since taken notes haha.

Best Song From a Movie

“Decode” by Paramore, Twilight

Paramore is always putting out good shit and Hayley Williams is sexy as hell.  Because of her I want to invent a sex move called “Paramore” don’t know what it would consist of but let’s just say it would be FILTHAY.

Happy Memorial Day you fucks!

Have a Happy and safe Memorial Day!  It’s a chill holiday and a great excuse to get bombed and have a BBQ on a Monday.  Good times.  It’s the unofficial start to Summer.  Here we go!

Now go and honor your great American heroes just don’t be as dumb as this fucko.