Okay I will admit it…I’m jealous of Ted Danson

I’d get all over this 50 year-old ass any day

I did not know this until about 20 minutes ago but the mom in the new comedy classic, Step Brothers is Mary Steenburgen and she is looking fine as fuck. The finest as fuck look you can have being a 55 year old cougar. So after seeing some pics on her and stuff I thought I could tap handle this with my pipe, but then I found out she’s married to fuckin Becker a.k.a. Ted Danson. Are you kidding me? Ted Fucking Danson!?! Why Mary?

When I look at this photo all I’m thinking, “These eyes have seen horrible horrible things. Those horrible things include me with a bottle of beer from the Cheers set shoved up Kristie Allie’s ass.”

Danson is looking like shit these days. Even worse than the days as Sam Malone on that show with the catchy little jingle that at somepoint in your life you have made a remix to. Admit it.

If I was a cougar like Mary I would be going for that George Wendt hass looking mo-fo. That dude was like fuckin cool and I have heard he can knock 3 medium pizzas in one sitting. To me that’s bonafide badass and deserves some sweet trim. But women don’t see it that way. They would rather have the dude with a 5-year plan. And that plan is to not die. (Big Daddy reference haha)

But Mary, if you ever read this, you looked hot as you possibly can in the movie Step Brothers and I hate to see you wasting your Cougar-ness on that wrinkly 3-inch cock boy Danson. Come to the 20 year-old Blogger who hasn’t blogged in about 5 months until this week so you really couldn’t call me a blogger but I have some serious pipe to compensate. Whaddya say lil mommy?