Kris Allen….American Idol. That just doesn’t sound right. Now Kris’ mom gets more air time.

Hi, I’m Kris Allen I won American Idol Season 8.  You probably don’t remember me already because I’m boring as tits, I have a hot wife though!  Oh but she left me to get with Randy’s big ol black liposuction dick! DAWG!

I actually watched American Idol live for once this time.  I don’t know why I didn’t give a shit but I still watched the conclusion to this shit show.  And wow was it shocking.  Kris Allen your American Idol.

Was it just me or did it seem like the Nokia Theater crowd was pissed?  I know I was stunned and upset.  I don’t like Adam’s shit at all but damn he’s a helluva lot better than that little fuck boy Kris.  Oh but Kris sang a cover to a song teenie teens actually know (Heartless) ah piss off!

I hate Kris so fucking much already.  I used to like him early on during the Michael Jackson round and shit but damn ever since I can’t stand this fucko.  He just gets on my damn nerves and I hate his fucking wife, she was treated like a damn contestant this season it seemed like.  Oh and don’t forget the disgusting fucko that was Kris’ mom.  What an annoying sack of Arkansas shit.  Did she not realize dresses actually have sleeves?  We didn’t want two tickets to that fuckin gun show shit.

But AI is over woopidee fuckin do.  I seriously hope that bitch Kara DioGuardi is gone but apparently she has been re-upped for another year?  Can anyone confirm that?

Kris will be the next Taylor Hicks mark it fuckin down.  This guy is so forgettable its sickening.  He has no personality.  I don’t wanna hear some fucko who just does accoustic shit all the time like he’s sitting around a camp fire doing a performance for a bunch of Boy Scouts who have probably been molested by their scout master but that’s a different story.

Fuck you Kris!  Adam…your still a freak in my book but you deserved this over Kris, the dude with the boring sound and annoying mouth.  Hands down.  Anyone that argues with that obviously hasn’t watched the show.

Danny Gokey is still the American Idol in my book though. 

Danny Gokey ousted from American Idol. And this is why the terrorists hate us.

Are you fucking kidding me?  How the hell does someone as talented as Danny Gokey get beat out some freak screamo fuck and a dude who has no fucking personality and a shit for brains wife?

Tonight’s episode of Idol just proved America is a bunch of dumb fucks who just get caught up in the moment and vote for the singer who sang the best rendition of the song they hear on the radio on a daily basis.  Basically, this rant is geared towards the 12-20 demographic that is just catching onto the show now and noticed some fuck boy from Arkansas was singing a Kanye song and he did it somewhat good and they jizzed themselves and decided to vote for his boring ass.  Their so fuckin uneducated about music before 2007 that they didn’t know what Gokey’s song was.  “Your Beautiful” by Gokey was a masterpiece and one I’m listening to right now.

Pfff oh well fuck Idol and you dumb fucks.  Gokey is better off not being limited to what Idol offers him.  He will get his own contract and put out great albums; which I will be purchasing.

America just keeps getting worse and worse by the day.  Piss off dumbass Idol voters.

Oh by the way note to Fox get rid of that bitch Kara DioGuardi next season.  PLEASE!

Anoop Desai and Lil Rounds say bye bye to Idol

This week, the bottom two in voting were going to be eliminated from the competition; due to the save of Matt Giraud last week.

Turned out to be a good thing for Matt and get rid of two individuals who needed to go.

Anoop was gaining some momentum the past few weeks, but he’s not very good at all.  It was his time to get the hell out.  I’ll give him props for some of his wardrobe selections.  On Tuesday, the pink outfit was lookin fresh as hell.

So bye bye Anoop you made a valiant run. He seems like a genuinely good guy, and probably has a solid fan base of people who would purchase his CD. Personally, I thought his performance on Tuesday was better than the shit Iraheta put out. Good god she’s a lot of night games. Brown bag that face, and her mom too!

Then there’s Lil Rounds what a trainwreck she has been the past five or so weeks. Week after week terrible performances right and left. Someone who started out so strong too, and completely faded down the stretch. I wouldn’t even consider purchasing or even dabbling with a Lil Rounds album, that would be god awful.

So were down to our Top 5 in Idol. Here’s how I rank em, in order of most likely to win.

1. Adam Lambert

- The dude screams everything yet he can do no wrong in the eyes of everyone in America. Its smoke and mirrors people let’s see what this fuck face does when he has to come up with his own music! I’m tellin ya, you will be sorely disappointed in this guy if he is your Idol.

2. Danny Gokey

- Paula has practically said week in and week out that Gokey and Lambert are the finals, and it’s pretty hard to disagree with that. I’m pullin for Gokey, I don’t know why people hate him so bad, everytime I listen to the guy he’s outstanding. Reminds me of Michael McDonald singing in The 40 Year-Old Virgin, so if your able to reference a movie with me that makes you golden.

3. Kris Allen

- *Yawn* this guy comes off as the most boring son of a bitch ever. He’s probably got some more personality but he doesn’t have to show it because all the girls just think he is soooo hot. *Yawn* If I was him I would lose the wifey and get some trim off this Idol gig.

4. Matt Giraud

- He’s hit and miss each week. At the beginning of the Top 13, I couldn’t stand the clown but as the weeks go by I’ve enjoyed his style a lot more. He’s a total tool but oh well I like his sound. He has no shot of winning though.

5. Allison Iraheta

- Simon thought her performance was brilliant on Tuesday. I usually don’t disagree with Simon’s because he’s usually spot on, but that was just fuckin ridiculous. Iraheta needs to go next week and take her squinty eyed mom with her. Go! GO AWAY!

American Idol Top 7 Predictions

I’m at the movies right now so I will be watching Idol on the DVR tonight.

Here are my predictions for tonights show.

Kris Allen is my pick to go. I think it should be Lil Rounds but for some reason I see her getting by this week and it will cause Kris to suffer.

My bottom 3 picks are:
Kris Allen
Lil Rounds
Anoop Desai

It will be interesting to see what happens. If Kris does get ousted I could see the judges using the save on him. For anoop or Lil hell no.

Oh and next week Fox let Simon give his opinion for every singer. That just didn’t seem right last night.

Adam Lambert has an identity. He’s the pervert from Family Guy

To SlightlyWarpedTube (uploader of the vid) well fuckin played and spot on! I can’t stop laughing about this.

American Idol Top 8: Is Lambert a fraud?

So last night’s theme on A.I. was for the contestants to sing a popular song from the year they were born.

It was mediocrity from top to bottom.  No one stood out what so ever.  The only one that might have stood out is Adam Lambert but I question his performance.

Lambert got a standing ovation from Simon for his performance of “Mad World” originally performed by Tears For Fears in 1983.

As I was watching that it sounded freakishly similar to Gary Jules’ cover of this song in 2001.

Here’s a video to Jules’ version.

Now listen to Lambert’s performance from last night of “Mad World”

Totally a poor man’s performance of Gary Jules. Fuck Adam, I’m sick of his performances that he steals from actual artists. Danny Gokey brings it every fuckin week and its his style. If people buy into this phoney they will be greatly disappointed when he has to write his own shit. Gokey is a man with talent and will put out some great music. Lambert is smoke and mirrors to the T. Fuck this schmuck, but you know for a fact he is going to advance so let’s talk about who should get canned on tonight’s results show.

My bottom three looks like this

- Lil Rounds

She is getting worse and worse as the weeks go by. What’s funny is that she is doing the same shit as Adam by copying the original artist and she is getting grilled. Yet the man with black finger nail polish can do no wrong. None the less, Rounds each week has gotten worse and its time for her to go.

- Scott MacIntyre

What the fuck was that performance last night with the electric guitar? He performed “The Search is Over” and it was creepy as hell. Props to him for going away from the piano but damn that was scary shit. Watch for yourself. If he doesn’t get ousted this week, he is seriously getting the sympathy vote. Him and Lil were by far the worst of the night.

- Allison Iraheta

I doubt she gets voted off, she did somewhat well last night but I just don’t think America likes her at all. She’s a fuckin freakazoid and her mom is annoying as fuck. Bottom 3 for you Allison.

“JOY” To the World! Megan is Gone!

Credit: Top Idol

Bye bye you talking crow bitch. That’s what you get for insulting the great Simon Cowell! JOG ON!

Predictions for Idol Top 9 Results show

Last night, on Idol it was a open mic night for the singers. They could sing whatever they wanted to as long as it was one of iTunes most dowloaded songs.

There was some god awful performances and who do you think was one of those god awful performances???  Yup.  The hot-tattooed bitch with the same sounding voice in every song, Megan Joy.  She sang a Bob Marley song, which in my opinion I felt was in her wheelhouse unlike the judges thought but she made it sound like shit.  I’m just concerned because she wasn’t even in the “Bottom 3″ last week; she obviously has some sort of tattooed cult following supporting her.  I’m just sick of her shit.  She’s my pick to get canned tonight.

Next pick for the bottom 3 tonight is Anoop Desai.  The dude seems like a cool guy but he’s getting more pathetic by the week.  I don’t see how he avoids the Top 3 this week.  His performance of Usher’s Caught Up was awful.  It just wasn’t good at all.

My third pick for tonight’s “Bottom 3″ is Matt Giraud.  I really like Matt, but he obviously doesn’t have much of a following.  He tore it up last week, and still landed in the bottom 3.  This week he sings The Fray in the mosh-pit with some of the ugliest people you will ever see and it was bad.  He’s in trouble for tonight.  I hope he’s back because I feel like he has great upside, he’s a solid R&B artist.  Rock?  Not so much.  Randy and Kara need to shut the fuck up though and quit saying “Yo Dawg you need to be singin Justin Timberlake!”  Randy and Kara need to get the fuck off this show.  I actually prefer hearing Paula’s crazy shit over those two lately.  Paula at least is entertaining.  Randy and Kara re-hash the same lines every time, its getting old and hard to watch.

So here are my “Top 3″ after last night’s performances.

1. 1 Danny Gokey

As mentioned already, Gokey is terrific.  Even if this guy doesn’t win the whole thing, I’m still buyin his album.

1. 2 Kris Allen

Quietly gaining momentum week-by-week with solid performances.  I wasn’t overly excited about last night’s performance but he is getting better.  He just has no personality to get excited about.  He just lands in the Top 3 by default because there isn’t much to pick from.

1. 3 Adam Lambert

Don’t like this guy at all.  I hate the way he performs but you would pretty hard pressed to say he isn’t in the Top 3 of this competition right now.  He’s a huge enigma when it comes to what he is going to do on stage; so in that regard he’s kind of cool.  I just still can’t get over that “Ring of Fire” performance from two weeks ago; and he just over does the singing with his voice.  Its a bit too much to handle.  For thos of you who don’t recall that Ring of Fire performance here is the video.

I must say this season of Idol is getting more boring as the weeks go in. Early on, I thought it was going to be solid but damn this cast of clowns are just not that good. We will have to see what goes down though.

Who do you guys have in the Bottom 3 tonight?

Michael Jackson Night Round-up: American Idol Top 13 Round 1

The coolest picture of a child molester you will ever find.

First off, Michael Jackson is a legend in many aspects. From music to molesting children (below video) Michael can do it all! So I was excited to see what these 13 finalists could do with classic Michael songs.

Lil Rounds
The Way You Make Me Feel

Lil Rounds is really good. She didn’t set herself as one of the elite performers in this group, but she is going to be a force in this competition. Her performance was solid out the gates. Which of course Randy mentioned by saying she blew the door off for Season 8. Uhhhh….Randy? Aren’t we like two months in now??? Let’s give that line a rest.

Scott McIntyre
Keep The Faith

I know he’s blind and all, but damn his honeymoon is over. Honestly I had never knew this was a Michael Jackson song. Paula and Simon made reference that not many will probably have heard that song and it was a bad choice, his excuse, “It was Art.” Dude, your a good guy but you’ve been exposed. Definitely someone who might be one of the two ousted tomorrow.

Danny Gokey
P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing)

Damn can this guy sing or what? This dude can let it out big time. I was especially impressed with this because this is my favorite Michael song, and Gokey tore that shit up. I don’t think he would appreciate that kind of language but oh well.

Gokey’s dancing ability on the other hand sucks ass. That little move he did where he was moving his arm around and around looked ridiculous. But at the end of the day, this guy is a stud and his singing is amazing. I agreed with Randy’s assessment that he still needs to branch out, and tonight’s performance was in the right step.

Then there was Paula saying he was going to reach the finals. I sure wouldn’t mind but damn she needs to calm down. Every week, I swear she is being drugged. Its insane how ridiculous she is.

Michael Sarver
You Are Not Alone

His performance was uninspiring, but he’s giving it his all. I really have nothing else to say. He’s a country boy trying to make it big. The vocals and stage presence are not there at all.

Jasmine Murray
I’ll Be There

I like Jasmine, she’s a cute girl, and I felt for her to be a heavy hitter in this field she needed to have a strong performance. She went with an old fashioned performance again. Sing a song that suits you! Maybe she doesn’t have much so she keeps it simple. I think she gets by this week, but she could be done soon. When Paul Abdul is giving you a hard time by calling you “robotic” you know there is some reason for concern.

Kris Allen
Remember The Time

This was another Michael Jackson song I wasn’t too familiar with. I had heard of it before, but haven’t listened to it very much.

Allen was one of the finalists who I thought had some upside. I might be mistaken, not because of his vocals. That was okay, but the fact he told the world he had a wife and brought his wife to L.A. Simon brought this up that he shouldn’t have brought and the camera’s focused in on Katy, Kris’ wife and wow she had the growl of a caged lion getting a chair poked at her. Kris is gonna lose votes that would of came from young high school girls, but that’s shot to hell now. The guitar with that song didn’t help matters. But meh.

Alison Iraheta
Give it To Me

Yet another Michael song I had never heard before. Where the hell did these guys pull these songs from?

This chick is still goofy as hell, but she continues to impress with her singing ability. She’s got that rocker look which is appealing in this competition. I’m still annoyed out of my mind when she talks though, which makes me want to see her off the show. Cutting wrists? Then she sticks out the tongue. And could you not throw up the number 7 with your fingers? Jesus.

But again, the chick can sing. So she will survive.

Anoop Desai
Beat It

When I saw that Anoop was performing Beat It, I though “Uh-oh!” Especially since I think Anoop is one of the better guys for this competition.

That song killed him this week. It wasn’t very good. It didn’t expose him as a bad singer by any means but that song is unreal. I give the guy props for trying it, and I’m assuming America will think the same. He’s still a guy with great potential in this contest.

Jorge Nunez
Never Can Say Goodbye

A Jackson 5 pick. Not bad choice. Made me give some more respect to Jorge who I bagged on last week. He was pretty good. I honestly remember nothing from his performance though other than the song.

One thing that did stick out is the piece prior to him singing showed how Puerto Rico is proud of him and shit. That whole country will flood the telephone lines each week and help him, regardless of how he performs.

Meghan Joy
Rockin’ Robin

Apparently she dropped the Corkey from her name and went with her middle name, Joy. Woopidee-doo! Oh and she was a fuckin monster of a child, facially.

Good god she was terrible again. I hated the whole sob story with her son. I’m sorry but she’s probably jumping for joy having a break from a kid and having mommy watch his ass. Don’t give us the tears for sympathy.

Her song selection was annoying as hell, and has no relevance to what this show is about in my opinion. Then she did a crow sound. For real? Gag me. Please America, let’s get her out of here!

To her credit, she’s got a nice rack! But she reaks of creepy blind-date stalker chick from an episode of Seinfeld to me. Gone!

Adam Lambert
Black or White

I bagged this guy last week, but his performance was damn good tonight. He’s gay as hell, but oh well that works for him. He has natural talent, and you feel for him because you can tell he has busted his ass (no pun intended) to succeed in Hollywood. Good for him. Hard to bag a guy after tonight’s performance.

Don’t forget Paula giving the 2nd nod to the finals, saying Adam will be there. It looks like the show is over folks. Gokey…Lambert…the Final of American Idol 8. Who will it be?

Matt Giraud
Human Nature

Damn good performance. Giraud was another I wasn’t too high on last week, but his performance with a piano was great. I was very impressed at the time when I watched it but now everything else has slipped my mine. Fuck I’m tired, I need to go to Sha-Booms!

Alexis Grace
Dirty Diana

Yay! Another mommy crying for tears. Give me a fuckin break. And the whole, “Seacrest. Out.” thing with her kid was unimpressive.

I thought her performance was shit, yet the judges were in awe of her performance and were saying she is finding out who she is as an artist. I’m finding out she’s an annoying bitch who I want gone. But America will buy into what the judges say. I swear America doesn’t form their own opinions. Its YOUR vote! Shit. Oh well. Fuck me.

Tomorrow we will have to see who’s Fuckin Out and who’s Fuckin In.

M-Town. Out!

Links to other Idol Top 13 reviews:

- Top Idol
- VotefortheWorst.com suggests you boot Megan Joy as well
- Napping at Redlights Review

Kara is an ass; and a in-depth look at American Idol’s Season 8 Top 13 Finalists

So the Wild Card round is now over and done with and the finalists are set.  Who is going to immerge as Idol’s 8th champion?  Here’s a little preview looking ahead as to who are some of my favorites and my Sonjayas.

But before I preview; I just wana say that new judge Kara’s honeymoon is over.  She is getting on my damn nerves, and Paula looked like she had a ’stache tonight.  Did anyone else think that?  Paula seriously looks to be drugged out of her mind.  She’s probably doin’ uppers and downers.  Simon comes in to her waiting room before the show and she yells at him saying, “YOU DON’T WANT NO PART OF THIS SHIT SIMON! I STILL LOVE YOU THOUGH!”

Note to Kara, maybe some of these contestants just like these songs.  Do they have to sing a song that defines them right away?  Maybe you can go figure where they like to shop though.

Anyways, back to the predictions for this year’s unique Top 13 of American Idol, Season 8.

Kris Allen, 23 (years old); Conway, Arkansas

Sang what I thought was a very impressive rendition of “Man in the Mirror”.  New judge Kara DioGuardiwasn’t as impressed with it, while the other judges thought it was very solid.  He’s been slowly but surely gaining momentum.  He has some very good upside and reminds me of David Archuleta from Season 2; is that a good thing?  Yes, when it comes to music success.  No, in regards to other things.  His cute look will appeal to middle school and high school girls, which could help in votes.  He’s a sleeper.

Megan Joy Corkrey, 23; Sandy, Utah

Other than being really hot, Megan flat-out sucks ass.  Her dancing is downright annoying.  What the hell is it she is doing on stage anyway?  The sleeve of tattoos looks cool, but middle america and non-liberal individuals are not going to enjoy that.  Shocking to think she came from Utah.  Her songs are also geared towards a particular niche.  Most people that watch Idol probably aren’t too keen on the music she sings, and that could hurt her.  Yet with all that said, the judges; especially Simon (shockingly) love her.  The problem I see wih her is that she is what she is.  I don’t see anything drastically changing with her.  But the hotness factor could play to her advantage.  She is hot.

Anoop Desai, 22; Chapel Hill, North Carolina

When the judges initially said that Matt Giraud advanced instead of Anoop, I was pretty shocked.  Then Simon said there would be a Top 13 for this season including Anoop.  Well deserved, and well thought out by the producers of the show.  Had they gave Anoop the 12th spot, then Matt #13, there would of been a lot more outrage.  But Anoop was very deserving to be with the finalists.
What sets Anoop apart from a lot of the contestants is that he has a great personality, youthful college look and just very likable as the judges mentioned.  To top it off he is very gifted singer who has room to grow.  He sang in a UNC musical group that covered four genres of music.  He has broad horizons and isn’t limited, which can go a long way in the competition when it gets to individual genre nights on the show.

Matt Giraud, 23; Kalamazoo, Michigan

Giraud hails from the home of the Western Michigan Broncos.  That’s a fun fact for ya.  Personally, I’m not too fond of this Kalamazooian.  From his style to his singing, I’m feelin it with this asshat.  I’m hoping he’s gone soon.  The judges seem to have this sense that he is big-time.  To me, he reaps of no star quality.

Danny Gokey, 28; Milwaukee, Wisconsin

One of my favorites in this year’s competition.  His story is heartfelt with the passing of his wife weeks prior to auditioning in K.C. Already has fans cheering for him, and has already become one of the favorites with the judges.  His performance of “Hero” by Mariah Carey was outstanding.  It’s a terrific song by Mariah, but Gokey made a strong case as the best male version of that song.  If there are any?
What I’m hoping to see from Danny is pulling himself from these heartfelt emotional songs.  He’s a great talent but is he going to be one of those artists that always sings about his wife or kids all the time?  Looking to see more range from him.

Alexis Grace, 21; Memphis, Tennessee

Sang a powerful rendition of Aretha Franklin’s “I Never Loved a Man (The Way I Love You)”  Clearly one of the best performances in Week 1 in the round of 36.  Even with that powerful song and the pink hair, she seems forgettable to me and won’t garner a fan base.  Another candidate who I think could be peaking already in the competition.

Allison Iraheta, 16; Los Angeles, California

Terrific performance of the classic, “Alone” by Heart.  But wow, is she not a freak or what?  She is really a bad interview.  That might be due to her age, but wow she’s odd to say the least.  Also, what’s the deal with her tongue?  She’s always got it hanging out and licking her lips.  She’s odd as hell, and has limited P.R. ability but damn can she sing.  High school aged people will like her as well, because everyone can relate to her as someone they have seen at their school.

Adam Lambert, 27; Hollywood, California

Judges love this theater, drama freak but I’m not sold yet.  For one, I can’t stand his style.  He’s trying to be the poor man’s version of Russell Brand or something.  No idea what.  He’s a talented singer with upside but he sounds like a theater voice, not a musical star on the Billboard charts.  Women will buy into performances though and they will fall in love with him, but I don’t the love of women is what he is after when the mic is turned off.  If you get my drift…

Scott MacIntyre, 23; Scottsdale, Arizona

Scott’s performance of “Mandolin Rain” was solid but nothing special.  It was enhanced by the piss poor group he was lumped along with.  Week 3 in the Round of 36 is one of the worst nights in American Idol history in my opinion.  But Scott is clearly musically talented and is still trying to learn how to perform without the piano.  He has upside, and his story is one that you definitely find yourself pulling for, considering he is blind.  Seems like a genuinely great guy too.  Could go deep.

Jasmine Murray, 16; Starkville, Mississippi

Young person with strong vocals.  She has a great look, and carries very well for only 16.  Her performance of “Reflection” was great in the Wild Card round tonight.  Arguably the best of the night.  She will be force in this competition.  Definitely needs to show a bit more personality, but she is definitely on the right track.  One of the sleepers in this group who could be there in the end.

Jorge Nunez, 20; Cidra, Puerto Rico

Okay I might be off with this one but doesn’t Jorge look the kid in the movie, Meet The Fockers, named Jorge Villalobos?  They have the same name and the same damn look.  You be the judge.
In terms of Jorge’s performance I wasn’t very impressed.  I don’t know what America was seeing but Ju’Not should of been in over this guy.  Speaking of Ju’Not how did he not get in the Wild Card?  Tatianna gets in, but not Ju’Not?  Pathetic.  Jorge will struggle in future rounds.  I can’t imagine him being lights out when it comes time for Country night or Rock night.  He is a talented Spanish singerr and really nothing more.

Lil Rounds, 24; Memphis, Tennessee

Crazy name and crazy good voice.  Lil Rounds is one of the elite in this group and an early favorite I would suppose amongst fans to win the whole thing.  She’s Mary J. Blige’s clone in every sense, and Rounds’ performance of Mary J’s song, “Be Without You” was just as good.  She is very talented.  Some have said they think she is Fantasia Barrino Part II.  Totally disagree on that one.  Lil Rounds actually has talent and a great look.  How Fantasia won is beyond me.  She looks like a damn rooster.

Michael Sarver, 28; Jasper, Texas

A man’s man.  Oil worker, married, and has two kids.  He is a very classy guy and has a good voice.  Even if things don’t work out with him, I definitely think he will have success as a country singer.  Its just tough to last throughout the whole competition as a male country singer in my opinion.

My Rankings of who is most likely to win.  (From 1 being most likely to 13 having no shot in hell)

1. Danny Gokey

2. Lil Rounds

3. Adam Lambert

4. Jasmine Murray

5. Anoop Desai

6. Scott MacIntyre

7. Kris Allen

8. Megan Corkery

9. Alexis Grace

10. Allison Iraheta

11. Michael Sarver

12. Matt Giraud

13. Jorge Nunez

What do you say loyal Jellydonut readers?  Who are your favorites this season in Idol?  And who can’t you wait to see get eliminated?